Yesterday

From time to time we are given the opportunity to speak in church.  Yesterday was my turn.  In my preparation I learned so much about the topic and about me and my feelings toward it.  So I decided to share.  Maybe it will touch you like it touched me.

I remember a conversation I had years ago with a friend about what we take away from sacrament meeting.  As we discussed the idea, it became clear to both of us that what we take from sacrament meeting is what we put into it.  Now that might seem logically but the truth of the matter is do we come prepared to listen and to learn and to be touched by the spirit?  Do we look for ourselves in the message? Do we come with an attitude of learning? As I have prayerfully approached this subject I've been asked to speak on, I pray that your hearts and minds are clear and receptive to this message.  It could be considered a tough subject. And many may well be turned off by it, thinking it doesn’t apply to them.  But the topic of Gossip is real, it is vast in its meaning and all of us myself included have room to improve.  I know I have learned much from the time I have spent in the scriptures, in studying the words of our leaders and in prayer in regard to this subject.  I have also learned that sadly it is sometimes considered a women’s issue.  However, just like the symptoms of associated with heart disease are more recognizable in men than women, it is still equally important for each of us to guard our heart and understand the symptoms of heart disease.  So too must we guard ourselves against the pain and symptoms of gossip. Although at times associated with women, the fact of the matter is all of us need to guard against the matters of the tongue.  The tongue can be much like a weapon and used for evil; it can be hurtful and be a destroyer.  No longer true is the age old adage, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  While we do have a choice in the issue of letting go and looking beyond the hurtful words directed at us and untruths that might be spoken about us it is still sometimes the sting of those words that can be long lasting and in many cases difficult to overcome and erase. Words can ruin a reputation, alter a relationship, and change the course of a life.

 So what is gossip?  Gossip by definition is considered idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.  But gossip is also judgment of others.  In Matthew 7:1-2 we read:  “Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with that measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” That scripture back in my seminary days was a scripture mastery scripture.  It packed a powerful punch then and continues to today.  The whole idea about “measured to you again” was then and is today very real to me.  Here we are taught that we will be judged for judging others, we should be mindful of that before we speak, it is hard sometimes, I know.   We can learn more about that in James 1:19-21, “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak…”

In a conference talk in October of 1938, Stephen L. Richards teaches us that: “… a large part of the unhappiness in the world results from inconsiderate judgment.  Many a pillow is wet with the sobs of those who are its victims.  We cannot read the hearts of man.  We may not know their good intentions.  We often judge them by their failures, and we are unkind enough to circulate our judgment in the form of rumors and gossip and thus do irreparable damage.”

So some might wonder when is it gossip or when is it just plain conversation?  You might ask yourself these few questions:

1.       Does it make a person look good or bad? 

2.      Is there a sensational, larger-than-life, worse-than-bad aspect to it?

3.      Would you feel good repeating it to the face of the person involved?

4.       Do you feel uplifted or degraded after hearing it?

Each of these questions can help us going into any conversation.  However, simply remembering the words from the 13^th Article of Faith is also enough …“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”  

In an Ensign article in 1981 entitled “Gossip: Satan’s Snare” by Gene R. Cook, he said: “May the continual cultivation of the Holy Spirit drive out evil thoughts and inappropriate words, so that spirituality will grow and prevail, for as we bridle our tongues we are able to bridle our whole beings. Let each of us be careful that we do not contribute in any way to what the prophet Enoch saw in a vision thousands of years ago, when he recorded in Moses 7:26: “And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced.”  The image of that is real and so very disturbing to me.  Satan is real and delights in bringing us down through any means. He loves to see us pass judgment on each other and contend with one another.  In 2 Nephi 28:20 Nephi prophesied that in the last days the devil would “rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.”

Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, then the Relief Society General President in an October 2003 conference address said: “We cannot allow ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead of on who we are! We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep the pure love of Christ.”

Elder Marvin J. Ashton beautifully observed: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

Ultimately we do make a choice each time we engage in a conversation. The apostle Paul counsels us in Ephesians chapter 4 to: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

The Prophet Joseph Smith counseled us as well by stating, “The tongue is an unruly member—hold your tongues about things of no moment.”

And in Proverbs 21:23 it simply states: “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”

In conclusion let’s remember the words from the hymn:

Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words

Oh, the kind words we give shall in memory live
And sunshine forever impart.
Let us oft speak kind words to each other;
Kind words are sweet tones of the heart.

There should be no room in our conversations for judgment of others nor should we sprinkle our conversations with gossip.  Let each of us guard our tongues and remember as in Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”  We can be better and we will be better when we choose kindness in our conversations with each other.  May we each guard the health of our tongue as we would our heart….