From time to time we are given the opportunity to speak in church.
Yesterday was my turn. In my preparation I learned so much about
the topic and about me and my feelings toward it. So I decided to share. Maybe it will touch you like it touched me.
I
remember a conversation I had years ago with a friend about what we take away
from sacrament meeting. As we discussed the idea, it became clear to
both of us that what we take from sacrament meeting is what we put into
it. Now that might seem logically but the truth of the matter is do
we come prepared to listen and to learn and to be touched by the spirit? Do
we look for ourselves in the message? Do we come with an attitude of learning?
As I have prayerfully approached this subject I've been asked to speak on, I
pray that your hearts and minds are clear and receptive to this message. It
could be considered a tough subject. And many may well be turned off by it,
thinking it doesn’t apply to them. But the topic of Gossip is
real, it is vast in its meaning and all of us myself included have room to
improve. I know I have learned much from the time I have spent in
the scriptures, in studying the words of our leaders and in prayer in regard to
this subject. I have also learned that sadly it is sometimes considered
a women’s issue. However, just like the symptoms of associated with
heart disease are more recognizable in men than women, it is still equally
important for each of us to guard our heart and understand the symptoms of
heart disease. So too must we guard ourselves against the pain and
symptoms of gossip. Although at times associated with women, the fact of the
matter is all of us need to guard against the matters of the tongue. The
tongue can be much like a weapon and used for evil; it can be hurtful and be a
destroyer. No longer true is the age old adage, sticks
and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. While
we do have a choice in the issue of letting go and looking beyond the hurtful
words directed at us and untruths that might be spoken about us it is still
sometimes the sting of those words that can be long lasting and in many cases
difficult to overcome and erase. Words can ruin a reputation, alter a
relationship, and change the course of a life.
So what is gossip? Gossip
by definition is considered idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal
or private affairs of others. But gossip is also judgment of
others. In Matthew 7:1-2 we read: “Judge not, that
ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be
judged; and with that measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” That
scripture back in my seminary days was a scripture mastery scripture. It
packed a powerful punch then and continues to today. The whole idea
about “measured to you again” was then and is
today very real to me. Here we are taught that we will be judged for
judging others, we should be mindful of that before we speak, it is hard
sometimes, I know. We can learn more about that in James
1:19-21, “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak…”
In a conference talk in
October of 1938, Stephen L. Richards teaches us that: “… a large part
of the unhappiness in the world results from inconsiderate judgment. Many
a pillow is wet with the sobs of those who are its victims. We
cannot read the hearts of man. We may not know their good
intentions. We often judge them by their failures, and we are unkind
enough to circulate our judgment in the form of rumors and gossip and thus do
irreparable damage.”
So some might wonder when
is it gossip or when is it just plain conversation? You might ask
yourself these few questions:
1. Does it
make a person look good or bad?
2. Is there
a sensational, larger-than-life, worse-than-bad aspect to it?
3. Would you
feel good repeating it to the face of the person involved?
4. Do
you feel uplifted or degraded after hearing it?
Each of these questions can
help us going into any conversation. However, simply remembering the
words from the 13th Article of Faith is also enough …“If
there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek
after these things.”
In an
Ensign article in 1981 entitled “Gossip: Satan’s Snare” by Gene R. Cook, he
said: “May the continual cultivation of the Holy Spirit drive out evil
thoughts and inappropriate words, so that spirituality will grow and prevail,
for as we bridle our tongues we are able to bridle our whole beings. Let
each of us be careful that we do not contribute in any way to what the prophet
Enoch saw in a vision thousands of years ago, when he recorded in Moses
7:26: “And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it
veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed,
and his angels rejoiced.” The image of that is real and so
very disturbing to me. Satan is real and delights in bringing us
down through any means. He loves to see us pass judgment on each other and
contend with one another. In 2 Nephi 28:20 Nephi prophesied that in
the last days the devil would “rage in the hearts of the children of
men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.”
Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, then the Relief Society General
President in an October 2003 conference address said: “We cannot allow
ourselves to feel inadequate by focusing on who we aren’t instead
of on who we are! We simply cannot criticize, gossip, or judge and keep
the pure love of Christ.”
Elder
Marvin J. Ashton beautifully observed: “Perhaps the greatest charity
comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone
else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.
Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings;
having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to
become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have
hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being
willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of
each other.”
Ultimately we do make a
choice each time we engage in a conversation. The apostle Paul counsels us in
Ephesians chapter 4 to: “Let no
corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the
use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Let all
bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking,
be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one
to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for
Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
The
Prophet Joseph Smith counseled us as well by stating, “The tongue is
an unruly member—hold your tongues about things of no moment.”
And in Proverbs
21:23 it simply states: “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue
keepeth his soul from troubles.”
In conclusion let’s
remember the words from the hymn:
Let Us
Oft Speak Kind Words
Oh, the
kind words we give shall in memory live
And sunshine forever impart.
Let us oft speak kind words to each other;
Kind words are sweet tones of the heart.
There should be no room in
our conversations for judgment of others nor should we sprinkle our
conversations with gossip. Let each of us guard our tongues and
remember as in Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb,
sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” We can be
better and we will be better when we choose kindness in our conversations with
each other. May we each guard the health of our tongue as we would
our heart….